Dear Reader,

Reader = Friend, maybe family or anyone silly enough to stumble on this page and not leave immediately

Welcome to my blog!

First of all, I'd like to thank you to coming to my production of "Not Your All-American College Kid," written, directed and performed by yours truly, Calen Winn aka thepanthespian aka Puck aka Pan-cake.

Before we begin, I have a few reminders. Please silence, not just set to vibrate as this is an intimate space, your cellphones, pagers, watches, and anything else that might beep, squawk, or otherwise make noise, including small children. Also, please remember to be courteous and kind to the performers and your fellow audience members, profanity is allowed, but please keep all comments civil and constructive.

Finally, anything new I write will appear as a blog post, but make sure to check out my "Pre-Blog Writings" pages, linked in the sidebar, which may grow as I discover more old writing worthy of posting.

Now, sit back, and enjoy "Not Your All-American College Kid" by Calen Winn

Retreat Poetry

I wrote all of this poetry on a 24-hour retreat I did for myself, where I didn't allow myself to talk or use any technology.  BloodInk is still one of the best poems I've written.  The second half of Gay is slight obsolete, but I post it here in honor of preserving the past.









Leave Your Conscience at the Tone
Inspired by "What You Own" by Jonathan Larson and Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare

I live in the U.S.
the home of the rich
where we love to drive cars
and watch pitchers pitch

I live in a America the land of the free
where everyone’s equal
that is, ‘cept for me

My love for my country
can afford no better term than this
America, thou art a villain
but the reason
I must love thee
doth much excuse
the appertaining rage
to such a reality

Villain thou shant be forever
for you are ruled by a government
of the people
by thepeople
for the people
so you can always change



Why?

why?
asks the toddler
discovering per world
why?
asks the child
denied the toy ze wants
why?
asks the teenager
told ze can’t go out
why?
asks the young actor
when zes been rejected
why?
asks the middle-aged cubicle worker
told zes been layed off
why?
asks the recent retiree
when zes hair all turns to gray
why?
asks the nursing home patient
told for the thousandth time their spouse is dead
why not?



Chocolate
Inspired by Forrest Gump by Winston Groom

“Life is like a box of chocolates
ya never know what yer gonna get”
you might get a dark chocolate
one with no filling
it’s pleasant but astringent
with no suprises
or you might get a milk chocolate
filled up with caramel
sweet, long-lasting and a little hard to che
or maybe white chocolate
filled with raspberry jam
mild at first with a nice sweet surprise
and there will be that one with
a filling you detest
for people have different tastes
but at least with chocolates
you can spit the damn thing out



Gay?
Inspired by That Line was So Gay by Dakota Kamacho

so you think that that is gay
well I doubt it’s homosexual
so the term is ineffectual
you gotta be an intellectual
find a better way to say
what it is you wanna say
‘cause gay ain’t stupid
and gay ain’t lame
it’s just another way for Cupid
to play his little game
now some would call me gay
and some would call me pan
the one thing I call fact
I’m definitely a man
Now listen up ‘bout my best friend
‘cause he ain’t gay
and he ain’t pan
he was born a woman
but he’s another man
now the moral of the story is
if you got somethin’ to say
call things stupid, call ‘em lame
but please don’t call ‘em gay

‘cause “stupid is as stupid does”



Who Am I?

who am I?
no reply
what am I doing here?
do you know why I have to come to this place?
is it just to get clear what I already know
though I try and I try
will it be so
that my thoughts will just drift into space


who knows



Line

What’s in a line?
is it dialogue
is it lyrics
is it things in a straight row

What is in line?
is it orderly
is it obedient
is it things under control

What is a line?
is it infinite
is it definite
is it part of a poem

such a small word
has so many meanings
it must be from English



Naked

why does naked mean vulnerable?
naked is beautiful
naked is sensual
naked isn’t vulnerable

naked means safety
it means you feel secure
naked means comfortable
it means you like your body
naked doesn’t mean vulnerable
it means you don’t feel vulnerable




BloodInk

My pen to the page, I open my heart
truth is written
the blood in my heart turns black
it comes through my pen and takes shape
telling a story my mind doesn’t know
the pen becomes my aorta
going between feelings and thoughts
in a way my aorta itself has never learned
I suck on the pen
the feelings fill my head
allowing me to shape them
I put them back in the pen
they spill out onto the page
as words and phrases
stanzas and sentences
poems and paragraphs
anecdotes and anthologies
epics and essays
and one day, a novel
one day, I will gather the used pens
and suck from each one
the memory it holds
the bitter, the sweet
and the bittersweet
and pen by pen
I will transfer it to page
My Life
not as my head analyzed it
but as my heart felt it
all transferred through ballpoint pen